Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How to deal with parents splitting up?

My parents are splitting up and I am getting very emotional about it... I can't handle them fighting all the time adn being in the middle of all of it. My Mum shouts at me a lot and sometimes I feel that it's my fault that they've split up.. I just feel like crying all the time, what can I do about it? I know you have probably heard this story about a million times, but I really can't deal with it. How to deal with parents splitting up?
Ah, sweetheart .... first of all, it's NOT your fault they are splitting up. It's not really anyone's fault. They simply cannot live together.





It's hard being in the middle of something, and feeling so helpless ... but don't feel guilty anymore, it isn't necessary. Your mother shouldn't shout at you, but she is probably doing it out of frustration. However, here's a thought. Can you learn to control your emotional reaction? It will help you feel stronger. When she shouts at you, stay calm, look her right in the eye, let her shout herself out, and when she stops, say calmly 'please don't shout at me.' That might knock her for six. If you can be somewhat emotionally more mature than the parent, it can make them reassess ... their own behaviour.





And now, no more crying ... yes, you feel your world is falling apart, but remember that the end of something is the beginning of something else. All this emotional awfulness will pass! Let them split up, you have your own life to lead. It's sad for your parents, I know, and I sympathise with you in your situation, but you do need to try to get on with your own stuff. How to deal with parents splitting up?
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, I really feel for you and know exactly what you're going through (as my parents did the same).





It is bound to make you feel really upset - it's one of the most horrible things to go through particularly at this fighting stage where you're trapped in the middle.





I found the only way to really try and help is to adopt a 'role reversal' attitude, where you become the 'parent' and they are the 'children.' Explain to them firmly in no incertain terms that you do not want to hear them fighting, that their behaviour makes you think it's your fault, and that it's hard enough as it is to deal with it and therefore you'd appreciate if they would stop fighting in front of you and taking out their stress on you! They are so wrapped up in it they fail to realise the impact on you, and this is not unusual when things are really bad. If your mum tries to start treating you more like a friend than a daughter, by bad mouthing your dad (or the other way around) just tell her you can't fulfill that role. My mum made that mistake and it only served to make it even harder for me.





Have you got any friends you can talk to who might perhaps have gone through the same thing? Do you have brothers or sisters? My email is always open if you want to chat.





Good luck, things will get easier, I promise. x
their is no way you can deal with it you just have to take it day by day and you will deal with it in your own time and your own way........................ the main thing is to talk to someone cry if you need to and as much as you need to to get it of your chest keep doing things like going out with your friends and also NB its never your fault
Once they do split,it will take time,but things will settle.Both may be angry,both may cry,along with you.It will be a life changing event for all.YET,it will be better in the end,I promise.No matter who you live with,there will be no more fighting,no more fear.And if EITHER want to cry on your shoulder about their divorce,you should kindly interrupt them,and tell whoever that the split is between them,not you,and you don't need to know anything,and you WILL NOT take sides.THEIR FIGHT is just that...THEIR FIGHT. Should have nothing to do with you.Good luck.Keep yourself occupied with things if you can.
Nothing you have done has made your parents split up. Your parents are still your mum and your dad and always will be. They are having problems with each other, not you.


Your parents still love and care about you, even if they don't always behave as if they do.





Check out this site, you may find it will help you.





http://www.itsnotyourfault.org/default.h鈥?/a>








Good luck and keep your chin up.



don't feel bad my parents had split up when i was 3 for god sake 3!!!! when i needed my dad when i wanted advice for football he wasn't there its hard but things happen but one good thing about it is my mom got married to an awesome step dad he taut me to shoot my first gun and he was even there when i got my first buck and guess were my dad was in CHARSTON sc. its hard but it will get better
phone childline 08001111 they will talk for how logn you want and about absolutely anything





and alos if you really cant stand both of them ask to go into care and threaten them to kill yourself like really seriously and hopefully they will see that they need to stay together for you!


good luck


x
dnt worry,be happy. almost all of us face this prob. this is nothing,i have seen my grandparents and parents fighting. just try to ignore every thing it will be alright.
talk to your parents when they are not fighting. let them know how u feel.
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