Sunday, February 7, 2010

How do you cope with parents splitting up?

My parents split up just after christmas because my mum has meet someone else. I am finding it really difficult to deal with the change and hate my mum for what she is doing to me my dad and my little brother and sister im 16, i am right to hate my mum or should i move on?How do you cope with parents splitting up?
Reading your letter I thought you were my daughter. After being married for thirteen years I decided to get a divorce. I know my daughter is upset and I don't blame her. I love her and would do anything for her but I couldn't stay in a marriage that I was not happy in. I think I can give her more of myself being happy than I can give being unhappy. Being a mother is hard enough. We do so much for everyone around us we forget ourselves. Don't be angry with your mom she is doing what she has to do to for herself and probably for you. Life is not always easy and sometimes things happen we don't like. I am sorry and I wish you the best. Good luck.How do you cope with parents splitting up?
I'm in a similar situation, I'm also 16 and have an older brother and little brother.


My mum hasn't met anyone else but my mum was the person who decided the divorce as she said she doesn't love him as a husband anymore more like a friend or brother.


Anyway what I've been doing is thinking it from my mums view, your mum can't help the way she feels just like you can't. So don't give her a hard time cause I'm sure she's going through a lot at the moment to knowing that she is the cause for the split and putting her children and husband through this. So don't be horrible to her be there for her as she will probably be just as upset as you.


And obviously be there for your dad and help out around the house and babysit they'll really appreciate it that you're helping them out and being mature about it.


Move on, you can't be mad at your mum forever she can't help the way she feels so don't blame her.


Sorry to hear about the divorce babe


:)


And btw what that Linda person said when she said that what your mum did was terribly wrong i don't think she did if she had the choice and not have feeling then she wouldn't chose to do this so don't see it as 'wrong' what your mum did cause that'll make situations worse and it'll take more time for you to forgive her.
im in the same position my parents split when i was 8 and the divorce lasted 4 years there was mediation and lots of it with alot of money spent i hate my mom sometimes because she is so nasty to my dad and really annoys me cos she can see shes hurting m but doesnt stop! i live with my dad i couldnt put up with it! suicide came to my mind and i could of wrote an essay on the divorce and what happened! my dad attempted to commit suicide and is now on medication still to get him back to normal because he damaged himself so badly with cuts and pills if i was you i would go and live with my dad it will all end and you will be happy in the end i promise! look at me! just have faith in yourself and dont let anything bring you down if worst comes to worst ring child line or if you can get a small job and rent a flat ? hope this helps =]
You can hate your mom's actions but don't hate your mom.


What she did was wrong. I totally agree with you there. But your mom thought what she was doing was right for her and love can make you do crazy things. Or should I say lust...because that is what affairs usually are about. And we stupid women confuse this feeling with love all the time.


Usually though when someone causes this much pain to someone else in order to find happiness, there will be nothing but sadness in the long run. You see, I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. And your mom WAS being very selfish in what she did to you and you dad, so she will get hers in the end.


So if anything, learn from this. You don't hurt other people, especially your family for your own selfish needs.
You are right to be angry. She is making choices that are affecting you. It is selfish and immature. Maybe you need to sit down with mom and find out what was wrong with the marriage so you can better understand her reasons. Was dad overbearing? Did he do something unforgivable? If she can't explaing it to you perhaps she doesn't know herself, in which case the whole family needs some counseling to move on.
It is normal to hate what is going on, but let's be honest, you don't really hate your mom do you? I bet you are very confused by what she is doing but hate is a pretty big word. And let me try to help you understand why I'm say that and a healthier way to see it. Logic would say that it would be hard to hate someone who gave you birth and did so much to get you to where you are today, right? But what she is doing is so unforgivable, right? So let's make sense of it. If you love your mom, could it be that you hate her actions, what she has done to you and the rest of your family. Do you think it's possible to sort those two things out, the person from the actions? I love my mom too, but I have some big issues with what she does and says. But it doesn't diminish my love for her. It sometimes makes it hard to show her love, but I walk away maybe hating what she has done but still loving her as a person. I hope this makes some sense to you and if you need any more help just drop a line and I'll do my best to help out. good luck
wow. it really sucks





Mine broke up when i was five, but eventually i got over it


My dad always says bad things about my mom





But a way to get over it is twice the birthdays twice the christmas's





But tell urself that its for the better cause my parents fought ALL the time. Now i am extremly happy with great grades
My mom left my father for another man and to honest with you it was the best thing for both of them.. My parents were always fighting and screaming at each other. I hated coming home from school to listen to them on how much they wished they never gotten married... Now they are better off now then they were back then... I was only 17 at the time and i wished they would of gotten a divorce a lot sooner!
Your mother made a choice to do what she did. In no way is this your fault. If you want to be mad at her then you have that right. Don't hate her, in time she will see that what she did was terribly wrong and she will have to live with the fact that she choose this other person over her children. When that time comes she will pay for her mistake.
I went through this two years ago and i know how it feels


you have every right to be mad at your mom ( i was too )


just try your best to be there for your family in this situation and maybe you should join some free activities to take your mind off of all this confusion


i wish you the best of luck
your right to be anger with your mom but hate is a very strong word....try and talk to your mom bout how you feel. i know how you feel trust me forgive your mom....but that doesn't mean you agree with what she did and it doesn't mean you forget what she did.
ye have to move on mate at first you'll hope they'll get back together and fantasise about that happening but its not going to so you just have to adapt and get over it





sorry man its not easy on anyone
awk will 1st id turn to drugs. then i would kill each of my parents:)
u shuldint hate ur mom shes probly happier with the new guy. u shuld 4give ur mom and move on. trust me ive experienced the same thing

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